Withnail and I

Withnail and I is an epicly great film in which every line is quotable. The movie was produced by George Harrison and is about two out of work actors, Withnail and I, who decide a trip to the country side will cure what ails them. With help from Withnail's flamingly homosexual uncle they achieve this goal only to regret it completely.

Withnail consumes so much alcohol during the film that a game has spawned in which you watch the film and match drink-for-drink everything Withnail does:

• Nine and a half glasses of red wine
• Half a pint of cider
• One shot of lighter fluid (vinegar or overproof rum are common substitutes)
• Two and a half shots of gin
• Six glasses of sherry
• Thirteen glasses of whisky
• Half a pint of ale.

It is assumed that drinking this much would be fatal, still if Enerest Hemmingway could drink the amount he did I'm sure it's at least possible to not die from it and to instead retain injuries from which you wish you were dead.

-Toodles

IMPORTANT!

Join the Lemon Political party, it'll change your life. Plus, they have mad after parties.

I really want to join or start a band, preferably start so I can have more input. I just want to put my lyric, bass and other music ideas to practice. It is very frustrating at the moment because my bass skill level is about a 6.5 out of 10.

I have pretty good fingering and I'm alright at plucking and using a pick. I'm pretty ok at playing other peoples music, but I can't really write my own bass lines (riffs yes) without other music around me. So, I jam with myself, I put on some music and listen in one headphone and write a new bass riff and pretend I'm the singer.

The other annoying thing about from my mediocrity at my instrument is the either amazing or horrible musical skill level around me. Play with crap people and it's bad, good people and it's really awkward because you get left out if you're shit. I need some semi-decent people who can play instruments.

Is that you? No? Shit, thought you used to play guitar? Oh, ok, that was the other (your name here).

I WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF!

Band name ideas:

Quilt
Giant Squid
Good Day Sunshine
Meth Lab for Cutie
Guache
The Lennon/McCartney's
etc.

If that doesn't work out I can always go back to my job in the porn industry.

Strapped for music brillance?

Try these on for size:

HERE

Polyphonic Spree - Lithium (Nirvana cover)
[So Ironic I think it gave me cancer!]



Silversun Pickups - Panic Switch
[Fantastic voice and bass line]

HERE

Nine Inch Nails - The Great Destroyer
[Awesome dystopian song, fantastic electronica instrumental at the end]

HERE

Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet
[Fantastic Big Band crazy screaming sing-a-long-so-ng]

HERE

Beck - Think I'm in Love
[The usual Beck, which is fantastic! singing about being a teenager]



Vampire Weekend - A-Punk
[The worlds most polite indie rock band with the worlds most polite indie rock music]

HELP! (me out)

*p.s. Don't tell Adsense, this might be illegal

Funny Shit

^ Click to make larger ^

Some 4chan Gold *WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT*

It was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessica. She is really hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to fuck her. So be it. I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferrari's have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya. Flash forward to like 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I'm holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I'm her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says harder. V-TEC just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn't disagree with them. I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home.

My Thoughts after the Kill Bill marathon

I wrote this in notepad right after watching them, just found it them:

I really would like to swim

I don't know why

just feel like doing something

like... running around or something

actually I feel like doing kung-fu

feel like cutting some baddies heads right off

Panic at the Disco, new song

A lot of people disliked Panic(!) at the Disco for starting the whole pop-punk emo thing that was popular last year (along with Fall Out Boy and 30 Seconds to Mars) and I was one of those people. I hate pop-punk and I hate emo even more. But after I found out a lot of their lyrics where based on the works of Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club, Choke, Invisible Monsters) I thought I'd give them a go, and I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of finding a flat, prissy, pop-punk princess in "A Fever you Can't Sweat Out" I found an album with a lot of depth, variety and I saw a band with a lot of potential. Maybe it was the witty lyrics that referenced one of my favourite authors, or the catchy hooks and riffs, but I like it to my own embarrassment.

A couple of years later they drop the ! and release "Pretty. Odd" Which to my absolute enjoyment is a total Beatles rip off! And I love it. The opening song is a happy little track where they say "Don't worry, we're the same band" I love that. Just opening addressing the audience saying we have changed our sound but we are the same. The whole album is filled with a lot of fun, happy songs with that same depth, but instead of it being an electronic depth it is replaced with traditional instruments.

It was recently announced that principle song writer Ryan Ross and Bassist Jon Walker had left the band because of musical differences. Without their main songwriter they may have difficulty in the future, as my girlfriend put it "Aww, Ry Ry left? Good luck trying to make music now"

Also, new single is out if you care, it's called New Perspective and can be found on there myspace.

*note, I don't listen to any emo music apart from Panic(!) at the Disco if you want to call them emo.

The Fashion of the Christ

I had an idea of drawing a sexy 1980's Jesus for a T-shirt, with the caption "The Fashion of the Christ" (not an original idea) but looks like my friend beat me too it, in true MS Paint style too.

*Note the following picture may cause offense, that is not it's intention. I respect Jesus and don't mean to intentionally disrespect :)

It made me laugh so much because it's a funny 70's Jesus complete with goldfish shoes and an afro, and because it reminds me so much of Jesus Christ Super Star. Possibly the best musical based on the life of christ. Actually, he looks exactly like Simon Zealotes from Jesus Christ Super Star.

Here are my favourite two songs from the film. Watch it it's great!

I Don't Care (I Love You)

This song was dedicated to my girlfriend, as well as being a homage to the early Beatles songs.

I don't care what your daddy says, I don't
I don't care what your mother says, I don't
I don't care what you brother says
I don't care what your best friend says
I don't care about the doubts
Becuase I love you
Yeah Yeah Yeah

Some might say it isn't true
Or that I don't deserve you
I don't care about the doubts
Because I love you
Yeah Yeah Yeah

Oh Yeah yeah yeah-yeah-yeah
Uh Oh I I I-I-I
La-la love you
I love you

I don't care what your daddy says, I don't
I don't care what your mother says, I don't
I don't care what you brother says
I don't care what your best friend says
I don't care about the doubts
Becuase I love you
Yeah Yeah Yeah

Some might say it isn't true
Or that I don't deserve you
I don't care about the doubts
Because I love you
Yeah Yeah Yeah
I love you
yeah yeah yeah
I love you
yeah yeah yeah

Orr, ya mum

"Or hey, Guess wot? There is no al-ke-hole in the house! I'm drinking diet coke"

I love my Mum

Toast 2: Toastment day

I get into Blogging mood I've noticed, I'll do 2 or 3 a day then leave it for a while. I can only blog when I'm tired, it's late, I should be doing other things or I CRAVE TOAST.

My toast lust is insatiable!

I'm like a zombie, wondering the post-apocalyptic world, searching for human flesh. I do not sleep, I cannot die. My only desire is to feed. To go without is agony.

Oh, Woe is me!

Why is the toaster in the OTHER ROOM!

Anyway, watch this:


I found it too Loud.

My Favourite Youtube Videos

These are all downright hilarious, so enjoy then, because if you don't I'll have to pose naked here, and we don't want that!


BIBLE IN A MINUTE - Hilarious, even funnier because I know a bit about the bible, only a bit.

BUFFY VS TWILIGHT - the best mash up I've ever seen.


PILLOW TALK - It's just so good


LION KING IN 5 SECONDS - Great, even though it goes for 20 seconds


ROBODOG!


AGGRESSIVE MARKETING


THE MAGIC SHOW VOLUNTEER


HOT NEW JEANS

Enjoy puss monkeys

Me throughout the ages

I don't have many pictures of me, most of these ones are stills from videos.


Here's me in Year 8, So young.


Me in Year 9, True to my Motto


Here's me in Year 10, the second youngest photo of myself featuring everyones favourite asian, chai!


Up in Perth in Year 11, seeing British India, this photo was taken just after that fateful kiss. And I have no idea where those flowers came from, I can't remember that at all.


Me (Post hair shaving) with Chai (Pre-Hair cutting) buying $2 sunglasses from the Church. Go Jebus glasses!


Me and Jess, the most loverlyest photo evar!


Me and My heavenly glow


Me and Chai: The Night Before


Me and Chai: The Morning After

Short Story: The Fountain, The War, The Sky

Many years have passed and my skin has leathered and cracked. My life washed away in a beautiful fountain during the dreadful war that turned the sky grey. Now it is forever night, man has been reborn blind. Three events haunt my dreams, three events that would seen nothing to anyone did not experience them first hand.

Event number 1.

When I was a little boy my father took me to a fountain. It was a beautiful fountain, cherubs in the centre spurting water from there mouths. Three of them, happy and young and alive. I was also happy and young and alive. The fountain, my father would say, is the fountain of youth. If you drink from its waters you will live forever. I dipped my hands in the water, my father hit me and we went home and he shouted at me and beat me until I could not stand. He said, the Gods wish for us to die or else we would not respect the gift of life or fear there power, he told me that no one is ever to drink from the fountain as it is a symbol of our fear and unworthiness, and drinking from the fountain makes you a god, he would say, and that would be the devils work.

After this I never did anything without knowing, and I spent my life, until I leathered and cracked knowing things and getting to know things.

Event number 2.

On the television it said that our country was going to war with another country. We did not have television. Mother said it gave you cancer. I saw this on the television of a friend’s house. When I went home I told my parents of the war and they laughed and said that no war would arise. My father went to the war. He was shot in the face while taking a shit. That’s what the newspaper said. ‘Useless dog slaughtered taking shit, the enemy is vile!’

With my father dead my mother sold herself to disgusting men. Fat, balding, hairy, men who preyed on women for excitement and for power. They often did not pay her. But she would always fuck them. Or they would kill her, or get there pleasure from my youngest sister. I travelled to the fountain, I put my head into the water but I did not drink any of the water, not a drop entered my mouth. I bathed in water and told the Gods I was not scared of them.

Event number 3.

The sky became grey and the world died. Before that, before I became an adult, but long after my childhood, the metal birds came and they destroyed the sky. I was making love to my wife when the room shook. I bought the woman at the markets for a goat and a portion of cheese she was twelve, three years younger than I. I dismounted her and opened the curtains. Birds were dropping the sky onto us. The sky exploded as it hit the ground. People torn apart all over the streets, charred. Buildings collapsed and smoke rose and covered the sky.

The bombs made clouds that covered the blue and the yellow and forever made the sky grey. On that day my room caught on fire, my skin was burnt, it leathered and cracked, my wife died, the bed fell through the floor and she was impaled on a rafter, her naked bloody body was my last sight. Ever since that day, the sky has been grey.

Later they dropped the big bombs on the charred cities, and we dropped our big bombs on them, and everyone died. Man was reborn after that, blind and charred. They all drank from the fountain and spat in the Gods faces. And they thrived in sin.

Theme songs

Right now I'm studying for a biology test for Monday. We started the test on Friday, but it isn't really a test, it's more like a worksheet that we fill out to determine how much Genetics we know. So it's a test, but a little more casual.

When I was doing it on Monday I had no idea, I hadn't studied at all and I pretty much didn't know what genetics was but I've been giving it a go and it's alright. My girlfriend and I went through the sheet on Saturday and it's not too bad, so I think I'll have to go over my sheet like the Flash and fix it up.

So, other than study this weekend I watched weeds series one. How great is it? I know! It's the best! Anyway, the best part about that show, other than the juxtaposition between the 'proper' Suburban world and the improper ghetto, etc etc, critic literature bullshit, buzz word, is the shows theme song, "Little Boxes". The first series has the sang song all the way through, the original 60's version by Malvina Reynolds.

For the second and third series they had other muscians cover the song, a new one each week. These are my favourites:

Elvis Costello (Series 2, Episode 1)
Death Cab for Cutie (Series 2, Episode 2)
Tim DeLaughter (Series 2, Episode 8)
Regina Spektor (Series 2, Episode 9)
Randy Newman (Series 3, Episode 1)
Donovan (Series 3, Episode 4)
The Shins (Series 3, Episode 6)
The Individuals (Series 3, Episode 7)
Man Man (Series 3, Episode 8)
Michail Franti (Series 3, Episode 11)

Other than watching Weeds and studying I watched a bit of Bleach. It was the first time I'd watched it from the beginning and I really enjoyed it, Great anime, with a fucking fantastic theme song. Watch for yourself! It's the best anime opening I've ever seen, perfectly capturing the show as well as matching music with the images playing.

BLEACH THEME

I conclusion theme songs are awesome!

Get back in the kitchen, Woman!

Girls - to do the dishes
Girls - to clean up my room
Girls - to do the laundry
Girls - and in the bathroom
Girls - that's all I really want is girls
Two at a time - I want girls
With new wave hairdos - I want girls
I ought to whip out my - girls, girls, girls, girls, girls!

The only thing better than this song is home made music videos:

I really tried to right a reveiw of the Beatles album Revolver, my favourite album of all time. But I found it quite difficult to put my feelings about the band, this album and how I feel when I listen to this album into words. Instead I will simply say that all the rules where thrown out the window with Revolver and a new set where drawn up. Revolver maked the beginning of the Beatles exploration lyrically, musically and technologically and is truely a revolution and surely one of the greatest albums of all time.

You can listen to the album on youtube here:

1. Taxman

2. Eleanor Rigby

3. I'm Only Sleeping

4. Love You To
5. Here, There and Everywhere

6. Yellow Submarine

7. She Said She Said

8: Good Day Sunshine

9: And Your Bird Can Sing

10: For No One

11: Doctor Robert

12: I Want to Tell You

13: Got to Get You into My Life

14: Tomorrow Never Knows

Hope you give it a listen, knowing youtube all of these will be shut down so email me and I'll send you the album, freakout_its_christ@hotmail.com

In short I fucking love the Beatles and Revolver is my favourite Beatles album at the moment, Yo diggity yo!

What is the most satisfying experience for you? Is it making love to your boyfriend or girlfriend after being apart for a really long time? Is it that first drag on your cigarette after a long hard day at the ol' coal mine? It is that first beer on Friday night to celebrate the weekend? It is swimming in the summer time? It is snagging a perfect crying juvi?(Michael, I'm looking at you) Is the greatest experience in life finding your soul mate? No! And if you said yes to any of those things you are nothing but an unenlightened cave man.

The truest, most pure, most perfect and satisfying experience in life is opening doors for people. Yes, I know how good is it?! When you open a door for someone you open the door into your own heart. Sounds corny but by doing a little good deed like opening a door you can really open up yourself and feel better. For Example, I was having a normal horrible day at school and I opened a door for some girl in a lower year, she looked me in the eyes, smiled and said "thank you so much" before leaving in a hurry, trying not to drop her books. After that I felt good. It turned a terrible day into a really good day. I felt good about myself, I felt like a good guy who is able to fit into society and make a difference.

:) Good Feelings all round

I recently started a group on facebook dedicated to Opening Doors for People, which you can find here. I'm really surprised at the amount of interaction the group has had, a lot more than my other group, Having No Aspirations group. It's fantastic to see over 200 followers to the group, a couple of which actually post on the wall which is great.

One member, the fantastic god like JACKSON HARDING, posted a video recently which shows Door Opening etiquette, the rules and regulations behind door opening world wide.



The video fails to mention the person pleasure gained from opening doors but it is pretty freakin' funny. ENJOY!

Later

Study

What I've been doing instead of studying and what I will do instead of study unless I pull myself together:

• Play Mafia wars on Facebook
• Get banned on 4chan
• Watch anime on the internet until 2 in the morning
• Go to bed at 2 in the morning
• Play Pokemon Leaf Green
• Play Pokemon Diamond
• Read Manga
• Generally fuck around

What I should be doing or need to do:

• Do all Australian History sheets, take notes, Do the Questions in the text book, make flashcards
• Do Biozone, Make flashcards for all modules (lets face it, I'm hopeless), STUDY!
• Read Diving for Pearls again, learn quotes make notes
• Read Handmaids tale, do the same
• Finish Art project, do pages for portfolio
• Finish maths

How to go about being a good student:

What I will do:

• Slack off
• Cram study for two weeks before mock TEE, then do the same for real TEE

What I should do:

• Study for two or three hours a night, covering about a subject an hour
• Doing all assigned homework so it doesn't pile up
• Starting assignments early so they also don't pile up
• STUDY!

I want to be a better student but I'm just to damn lazy. I'll put everything on the computer onto my brothers external hard drive and put all my distractions away and study the fuck out of myself, I can fuck around and watch movies and play pokemon on Friday night and Saturday, I should do minor study, like revision on Sunday.

This is my attempt to be a better student and not stuff up my future, too bad I won't follow through.

I can't sleep so I made toast. I live in a family where toast opinions are divided, some like just warm bread, others to a crisp. So you always have to be careful and calm and remember to check the toasters setting before using it. Our toaster doesn't toast on anything under 7, so it's between 8-10, 8 burns it and 10 burns the house down. You have to position the knob (can't believe I'm saying that seriously) between 7 and 8 for actual toast. Today my toast burnt, which i don't mind. Sometimes burnt toast is good. It certainly is crunchy and with enough butter and vegemite it's almost great.

On that note I have a little bit of a toaster habit. Everytime I cook toast, I wait for it to finish. I sit quietly and feel the heat of the toaster on my face and hands. I know I've got about 2 or 3 minutes before it pops up but half way between getting out a plate and warming my hands I forget. I sit and wait, I hear the buzzing sound that occurs a split second before the toast pops. And like always, the toast pops and so do I, jumping and jolting as if I've seen a ghost.

Here is a video I made a long time ago when I used to do youtube, I filmed myself making breakfast and I got the real reaction on camera:

During the writing of this I've had four pieces of toast. I now realise two pieces isn't enough to satisfy my immense TOAST LUST!

School

School goes back on Wednesday, and it's Monday night now, so you can imagine how depressed I am at the moment. Wednesday will officially mean I only have 9 weeks to learn Biology Modules 3 and 4 (and relearn the first two), Australian History (Plus Soviet revision), as well as study three texts and do my art projects. It's all mounting up on me and I'm getting quite stressed. All I can do is study a couple of hours a night, get on top of everything, get plenty of sleep and use the mock exam study period and the real study time to ace everything so i can HAVE A FUTURE!! STRESS! Speaking of Future, I would really like to see the first "Back to the Future" again where Marty goes back to the 50's, that was the best one. Heres the trailer.

Great movie, speaking of which I rented some excellent tv shows to watch (should have thought that though with only two days before I'm supposed to be studying full time) I got out discs 2-5 of Naruto which is epicly fantastic, I also rented discs 1-4 of Bleach which my girlfriend has begged me to watch for a long time. With Dexter and Weeds, two shows I love. Don't know what I'm going to do about school and all that but hopefully I won't fuck it up like I did all those other years.

Thanks