Emotional Rant

Everytime I look around I see people. Always people. People laughing, people sighing, people going about their business unaware that someone is watching them. I realise that I am probably always being watched because I am always watching, and I don't consider myself to be any different from normal society so I think I can look to what I do to make those kind of assumptions. Isn't that logic? Making assumptions based on evidence? Sure it is.

I don't mind being watched, I used to strive on it but now I'd rather be appreciated by the people around me than by people I don't know. Not that I have many people around me. I'll need to work on that. Go to more parties, meet people. Stop meeting other people. I've been living for other people for a really long time, 3 years now, and I think it's time I started living for myself a little bit. Everyone thinks I'm selfish but they don't know what I've been through, not that it is any worse than what others have been through. I believe that whether it's an abusive family, death, or a couple of unkind words. It doesn't matter whats causes the pain it's how the person reacts to it that determines how damaging it is. My brother had cancer and was really sick and I kept the family together by keeping my emotions in check, holding them in, so they didn't have to worry about me as well. I was the rock and I've been other peoples unmoving, unemotional rock for a long time and it's made me bitter and angry. So fuck you and fuck the world I'm about to come out and be myself and have fun and do what I want to do for a change.

- about time, Judith O' Greene